frozenfoods: [esteban voice] thees ees a deesaster
blein: sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...
swagchat: swagchat: swagchat: what type of music do chiropractors listen to hip-pop
awkwardvagina: so i googled gangster goose and let me tell you that i was not disappointed
whimsicottonees: so i was cleaning up my folders on my computer when i came across this i was really intrigued, i didn’t know what it was, I was so excited and I couldn’t remember making it, so I opened it and this is what I found
soudaspubes: voldemortspatronads: Okay so this is a map of Panem.. Throughout all the books in my head it was just like this oh so theyre not arranged like that wow i have been lied to
osneslaura: sometimes canadian stereotypes piss me off but then i remember that a moose walked into a grocery store in british columbia and had to be lured out with an apple
irritate: i just remembered that in middle school there was a kid named “Ugonna” in my lunch and everytime he bought pizza i was like “ugonna eat that?????” and i guess i was kinda harassing him so he told the principal and the principal made me buy him a pizza for harassment and the next day i was like “ugonna pay me back?” and thats the story of how i almost got stabbed with a plastic fork
How I hear Sofia Vergara's Covergirl commercial:
Sofia Vergara: BOARD WIDTH CHORE JUAN TRIC LIPSTIC? DEN LID A DUBBLE LIVE! WIDTH NU BLASS FLIPSTIC FROM CUPBOARDGERL. CREAMY COLLAR ON JUAN END, CHIMMERY COLLAR ON THE UTTER. SO YOU CAN FLEP CHORE LOOK FROM DA MANURE TO DAIRY. NU BLASS FLIPSTIC FROM CUPBOARDGERL.
zarry: i feel this on a spiritual level
trelyon: If zombies ever attack just go to Costco… they have concrete walls… years of foods and supplies… and best of all the zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership card
writer-of-wrongs: Today my history professor, a rumpled, pot-bellied guy in his mid thirties, walked into class looking all excited, which made the rest of us nervous, because he’s known for pop quizzes. He took a deep breath and said, “I have been waiting for this moment my entire teaching career. So please, pull out your textbooks and…” in a British accent, glowering at us all ferociously,...
asssbutt: it either takes me 2 days to watch one 50 minute episode of something or 2 days to watch 6 seasons of something there’s no in between
tyraniturd: calculator more like calcuLATER i aint about that math life
beerito: this guy at my school put 20 dollars into the vending machine to buy cheetos and he got 380 nickels back a teacher had to take him to the office bc he was crying so hard
trust: im the man who had the cheese im the man who had the jerky we put em both together and yeah it really workey cheese jerky say what say what
toxic-ponies: arcs: this is the only thing i cared about that occurred during 2012 classic
an-averagegirl: omg, i laughed way to much at this.
Today marks the 5 year anniversary that Troy and...
*me at clothing store*
cashier: ok that will be $237.53
me: do you accept tears